Dear God: Here is a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog:
- 1. I will not eat the cat's food before he eats it or after he throws it up.
- 2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
- 3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a “face towel”.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying “Hello”.
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside, and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room, and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a “squeaky toy”.